| Whatever you need. |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|12:56 am] |
Whatever you want.
I'll always give in.
I'll always be the one waiting - and wanting.
But you know, broken hearts are my thing. And I'll learn to deal with it, I always have.
It sucks because it doesn't have to be just guys that break your heart.
People can be so blind, stupid, selfish, scared. It's frustrating, heartbreaking and hurtful.
You think I'm so strong, I wish to disagree.
Just so you fucks don't forget: I am human. I was born with a soul. I was born with a heart. I have feelings. And they get hurt.
Yea, I won't admit it. But now I am.
I refuse to stand back and get hurt anymore.
I am bitter. I hold grudges.
You will no longer experience the timid Mahi when it comes to me getting hurt.
I have every fucking right to take a stand for myself. And if you disagree, you can kiss my ass.
Being hurt doesn't mean I'm weak. It means I feel. And if you don't think so, you're not worth my time.
I am worth all that the world has to offer me. I am worth time. I am worth effort. I am worth risk. I am worth fear. I am worth hope. I am worth love. I am worth the wait.
I'm worth it.
And don't you fucking forget it.
I have my faults.
But I've learned to look past them.
Don't you think it's time you learned to as well?
Because I've learned to look past yours.
I am the friend you wish you had.
I am the lover you long for.
I am the daughter parents would kill to have.
I am the sister that is always there. Waiting to protect.
And yet, I'm still unappreciated. Taken for granted. Reprimanded. Denied. Hurt.
I have tried my damn hardest to be perfect in ever aspect in my life. Will you just fucking let me give up already? I can't give up my expectations of myself if you don't let me.
This is for someone. Everyone maybe.
They'll come and go. But I'll always be here.
I tried to be your everything.
I really did.
But I know it's time to walk away.
But I can't.
I guess I'm just not that strong.
But I'm strong enough to fucking admit it.
I'm strong enough to own up to my mistakes.
It'll be a cold day in hell when you can hold your head up and say the same.
This is my pride.
Don't take it from me.
It's all I have left.
I'll fight you till the end for it.
Until the fucking end.
And I'll be the one walking away from it all. With my head up high.
Don't bet on something you will lose.
YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I LOVE YOU - JUST LOVE ME. |
|
|
| Friends? |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|07:54 pm] |
|
I love all of my friends to death and I hope you all know that. I hope you know that I would kill for you, I would do anything in my power to keep you from hurting. I will always have your back, no matter what. I wish I could explain in words the extent of love that I have for all of you. I just got in a little scuffle because I don’t care what people think about me and that’s supposedly why no one likes me. Hmm…it pisses me off because I used to call this person and friend and honestly, if anyone ever hurt them, I would still have their back. But, I do care what my friends think about me and what they say about me. But they also know that I dish out brutal honesty and hope to get it in return. All of my friends know I don’t give a fuck what people think of me, and I’m not scared to say what I have to say and I’ve been told that’s one of the reasons why they love me so much. I rather get my ass beat for saying what I want to say than sit in the back and be a pussy. Yes, I’m sarcastic. But it’s a fucking joke. Yes, I’m a bitch. But only when it’s called for. Yes, I’m sassy, but that’s just me. I’m a fucking city girl, we’re all like this. And all of my friends know that I go out of my way to help them. If anyone has ever needed money, they come to me and I’ll give them more than what they asked for. I have gone hungry and waited till I got home to eat just so my friend could eat with the money I gave them. Even though I barely have any money. I answer phone calls at 2 am and talk for hours, or just listen for hours. I have gotten up in the middle of the night to answer my door and hug a crying person. I have beaten a guy who’s double my size ass because he hurt my friend. I have gotten out of bed, gotten dressed and left my house in the middle of the night to go sit with a depressed friend. But not only have I sat with them for hours, I cry with them cuz when they hurt, I hurt. And it’s awesome because they’ve done the same for me. So why should I care what people think of me when I have a whole fucking family that loves me no matter what? Please answer this question for me, because I don’t know how to. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|09:21 am] |
I have a confession
I dont really read my friends journals anymore.
Yes. I know. I suck.
I do these skim thingys.
SAM SAM I SEE YOU ON SATURDAY IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. I LOVE YOU. |
|
|
| I miss greece. |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|09:37 am] |
|
It sucked while i was there cuz i missed everyone.
but i'm really homesick now. and it really sucks.
about 120 degrees every night. and sharing a room with 3 guys. it was my savior.
then this fucker broke it.
about 120 degrees. 5 am. bored. tired. i had to pee and there was only an outhouse. i have sunburn. and a heat rash on my chest. no fan. no air conditioning. i feel worse than i look.
then nate fell off the bed. and i felt better.
i laughed for about an hour. and got in trouble by my dad. but it was worth it.
i love her. |
|
|
| People fucking suck |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|03:04 am] |
Thanks to people sending me pictures in emails i dont know
i hate myself right now
i want to cry
i want to kill someone
i want to fucking kill someone. |
|
|
| I'm protesting baby showers.....and babies for that matter. |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|02:45 am] |
my mom is pregnant.
i no longer have a job.
i have bills to pay.
i have no money to pay my bills.
and i might be moving to iowa sooner than expected.
oh by the way, did i say my mom is pregnant?
yep. who else agrees that 36 yr old women and 57 yr old men with grown children do not need to be having more kids? I FUCKING DO. we had a nice family discussion, i got called a brat because i know this kid is gonna get dumped on me when my mom goes back to work.
i don't know who told people that babies are band aids for bad relationships but they need to keep their fucking mouths shut.
but yea, im shocked. and what do i do when im shocked? smoke too much, sleep too much and dance in my underwear. i will be doing this for the next 7 or 6 months.
i'm not going to the baby shower.
yes, i'm a fucking brat.
let me enjoy it while i can. |
|
|
| Uh huh. This my shit. Cuz I ain't no holla back girl |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|12:34 am] |
So New Years day.
Let me set the scenery.
6:47 AM. The skyscrapers, the traffic, the lake, the museums, everything this city has to offer is right in front of me.
It's funny cuz he asked me the same question I was asking myself for about 2 months.
Aren't you going to miss this?
My stomach started to hurt. I felt dizzy. I wanted a cigarette. I felt like I was being suffocated. I tried to swallow but there was nothing there. And then the tears came.
I realized I was asking myself all the wrong questions.
Instead of am I going to miss this, Why am I going to miss this?
Why am I even leaving?
I thought I had all the answers but I just found myself with more questions.
And surprisingly, I was ok with it.
I might be too scared to answer, or maybe I'll find out when I get there.
Or maybe I'll never find out.
And I'm ok with it.
Today I was awake till 8 am and I started to wash my face before I went to bed and I started crying. Out of nowhere. And I can't really tell you why. I've decided to let things, people, memories, everything go. And as shitty as it felt sobbing on my bathroom floor, I felt relieved. I felt like I had come to terms with things and just let them be.
After a few attempts to get a hold of close friends, I called Edd because I just needed to hear someones voice that I knew would make things better. And it did. He lied to me, told me everything would be ok. And I've never appreciated a lie that much, ever.
After a few more hours, I was still frustrated at myself, the only thing worse than crying is not knowing why you're crying. And my mom had all the answers. She came home and played with my hair and talked to me. She said things that made it better. She said things that made it all go away. She said "Don't worry, in a few months you'll be in Iowa and away from all of this"
And I smiled. And finally fell asleep.
It's a New Year right? New beginnings, new lessons.
But you can't appreciate the New without the old. And I appreciate a lot of things now.
With the good comes the bad. Hope for the best, prepare yourself for the worst. I feel prepared.
It's just me and my friends and I'm ready for anything.
This shit is bananas.
B A N A N A S |
|
|
| Sympathy trips DONT FUCKING WORK ON ME |
[Dec. 29th, 2004|02:10 am] |
So don't try it.
It's funny cuz I know how you feel more than you think I do. It's funnier because I really don't feel bad for you.
But all of these things have NEVER EVER made me want to go out and HURT people just because I have hurt. I have never used my past or incidents in my life to justify the pain I have caused others.
You're just another tragic story with no happy ending. Get used to it, you're not the only one. So no, You don't have my pity. You dont have my sympathy.
The only fucking thing you have from me is apathy.
Because you deserve nothing more than that. You deserve the hurt in your life. |
|
|
| This would be so much easier if you could keep your dick in your pants |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|10:33 pm] |
So I'm beginning to think about how FUCKING STUPID (some) GUYS ARE.
OHHH noooo some bitch burned me a while ago and all I want is this fucking perfect person and this perfect fucking relationship but then when I find it. BOOM DONT FUCKING WANT IT ANYMORE.
ONE ~ NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT. Not to burst your goddamn bubble, but this isn't the fucking movies. And if this is your version of when harry met sally, YOU HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING COPY SIR. Relationships take 4 BIG C'S
communication
compatability
commitment
compromise
Every relationship has problems. Every single one of them. But you see, the wonderful part of having problems is fucking solving them.
TWO~ NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME. Believe it or not, some girls aren't out there to rip out your heart and feed it to their dog. And some are. Now why why why why do we chase the girls that treat our hearts like they are nothing? Because you are stupid.
THREE~ YOU ARE BLIND. So you got the perfect girl? Oh wait, but you think you can get better. You can't. You're more than lucky you got this one.
FOUR~ STOP PUSSY FOOTING. I hate that shit. Seriously, you like a girl, do something.
FIVE~ NO DOUBLE STANDARDS. You lead her on so she finds someone else and you get pissed. But you can go out and find someone else and we're supposed to be ok with it? Hey you! Yea you! FUCK YOU!
SIX~ OUR EMOTIONS ARE NOT HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT. Our hearts are not your toys. You cannot just play with them, get bored, put them on the shelf and then when you see someone else who wants to play with them you get all fucking jealous and scream MINE MINE MINE. You cannot lead us on.
I wrote the rules on breaking hearts and getting hearts broken. Don't even fuck with me.
You are not genuine, you are not amazing, you are not extraordinary. You are a little boy that doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and trying to play the lead role in a fucking Disney movie. Grow some fucking balls.
Love isn't there one day and then non-existant the other.
You don't tell someone you love them and then fucking go try and be all cutesy with someone else.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS BECAUSE YOU'RE A PUSSY. Stop it! Love isn't all pain. It comes with some pleasure.
So grow some balls with that dick you can't keep in your pants because it's starting to get tiring. These games aren't fun anymore, there is no more rush in the chase. I'm throwing my towel in and calling a fucking time out.
And to end all of this. I might edit when more thoughts come but I'm so fucking pissed right now that my thought are all over the place.
So here is my ending statement.
My friends are not something to fuck with. Emotionally, mentally or physically. They are my family. They are my life. They are my passion. They are my LOVE. YOU FUCK WITH THEM AND YOU FUCK WITH ME. GOT IT? CUZ IF YOU DON'T YOU FUCKING SHOULD.
I might be small, but I've hurt a lot of people. One way or another, I will hurt you 100 times worse than you hurt my sisters or brothers. I will fucking ruin your life. I've done it before, and I will NOT hesitate to do it again.
She might let you get away with it. But I'm NOT one to hold my tongue or my fist. I will end you. Watch the fuck out about who you hurt next time because you just got your ass in a shitload of trouble. And you'll be lucky if you find a way out of it. |
|
|
| FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|12:08 am] |
I said I'm sorry, what more do you fucking want from me? I can't change what happened, if I could, I fucking would. I swear.
I hate how an awesome day can be ruined by the worst fucking night.
It's not just one person, it's everyone. EVERY FUCKING ONE.
I'm so confused about everyone, everything. It's so exhausting.
Every person in my life, I don't care how often I see you or talk to you has gotten a full fucking friend review from me and I'm serious, a lot of you are fucking failing.
You want to be the person that makes me happy? You want to change my life? You want to take me away from here? I want to see you fucking try. Cuz you're doing a really shitty job.
You said you want answers? Well so the fuck do I.
I'm so tired.
Of everything.
I'm seriously debating whether I should come back from Iowa on the 17th or just stay there. What do you think?
Oh wait.
I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. |
|
|
| Thanks for waiting this long to show yourself. |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|08:22 pm] |
Cause now that I can see you...
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE WORTH A SECOND GLANCE.
Last night, changed me. These past 2 months have changed my life. But last night...I can't explain.
I let some things out, I talked to him.
There's no sense in asking questions, because he doesn't even have the answers to them. But I feel like I don't need to know anymore, it's not my place to know.
I'm moving to Iowa. And until I get there, I will be visiting twice a month.
Please
don't
hate
me
for
this
but this is what makes me happy.
and this is what I'm going to do.
so if you love me
you'll be happy for me. and put your selfish needs away
and let me be happy for once.
cuz you said yourself.
I DESERVE IT
You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now. |
|
|
| FUCK HOT TOPIC |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|12:32 am] |
Work today was horrible.
I was only 14 minutes late cuz of my fucking bus and timmy wouldn’t let me stay an extra 15 minutes to balance the time out. So I don’t get paid for ½ an hour. Yea, sure its like 3 bucks. BUT ITS 3 FUCKING DOLLARS I WORKED FOR AND 3 FUCKING DOLLARS I NEED.
Bullshit. Total bullshit. So that pissed me off, the fact I had to walk a mile and half in the freezing cold to get on the bus pissed me off. The fact that I hadn’t gotten any sleep pissed me off. The fact that my fucking ear is infected for some odd reason pisses me off.
So all in all, my day started out bad. And timmy is a sarcastic smart ass and he kept nit picking and making annoying comments all day. By 12:45 I started crying on the sales floor. First it started out like I was just tearing up but as I was walking away, timmy said something again and I had tears running down my face. I think this lady bought a shirt from me cuz she felt bad.
Then timmy came up to me and told me to go in the back room and calm down. So he went back there with me and I just freaked out on him. Any other fucking day would have been alright, but no. not today. Not fucking today. He told me I was sensitive. No, no one besides my family, very close friends and my ex has made me cry like that. So I told him he was an insensitive asshole, hes not the only one having a bad day and that I was going to quit. He then gave me a hug and he told me not to quit because I need the money and he needs me cuz im one of the best sales associates. Then I pulled away from his hug, gave him the dirtiest look and said “WHAT THE FUCK? TREAT ME LIKE IT THEN!” then I walked out of the room, kept crying and was stocking stuff. Finally 2:03 rolled around, I had been crying for a good hour and still trying to do my job so I went and clocked out cuz timmy said I had to be clocked out by 2. He then tells me, you can clock out at 215 after I already clocked out. I’m not going to clock back in for a 12 minute shift. So I got my shit and left. Then he came out of the store, called me back and made sure I was going to come to work on Thursday and that I wasn’t quitting.
I said no, I’m not quitting.
But I’m not going to Minnesota anymore, I need a break with my friends. On January 15th I will be arriving in iowa at 5:44 pm with Sam
Gah. I need this so bad. |
|
|
| what the hell? |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|07:17 pm] |
ditching you?
for other friends?
for boys?
no love. you are wrong.
but i can play LJ war as well. READY?
GO
i've been "ditching" you for sleep and my sister. for work. for my mom.
and to think while you think i'm forgetting you, i'm spending a good hundred dollars (if not more because i'm not done with you) on christmas presents for you to show you how much i care about you and want to give you an abundance of small, simple things you might enjoy. and the other people i've bought actual presents for are my immediate family. so i dont care do i?
me and my mother have been talking a lot, and i've been spending the free time i have, with her.
when you called, i was sleeping. and i called you back, and you didnt answer.
and new friends? i'm not allowed to make friends? i barely have time for myself anymore. my fucking mind is never hushed. i live my life by a goddamn daily planner. i'm about to have a fucking nervous breakdown but lets not care about that. lets care about why mahi didnt answer her goddamn phone. BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING SLEEPING. something i barely do. and when i'm awake, youre sleeping for school the next day. and when i'm off of work, you have school or work. i'm not saying you dont have a life or anything, cuz i know its busy and stressful for you too. but just cuz i dont go to school doesnt mean i dont have other shit besides work to do. i dont have time for them and i'm sorry if its hard to make time for you as well. but i fucking try.
I FUCKING TRY. you are NOT the only one who fucking puts effort into this goddamn friendship. I call you too. but we don't mention me calling you back and not answering in our little rant now do we?
and its really shitty to throw the past in my face. which i've asked for your forgiveness for. and i "ditched" you for a dying man and a boy who at the time needed me. and a 2 month trip to greece.
and throwing the past in my fucking face isnt fucking fair at all. merry christmas to me huh?
and now everyone knows why i'm moving so fucking far away. well, thats not going to make me want to stay. it just fuels my fucking fire.
best friends means?
whatever. saturday i get out of work at 11. if you want to pick me up and i'll sleep over.
merry christmas and happy fucking new year. |
|
|
| the wrong words will strand you |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|03:39 am] |
~this is to no one in particular~
ha. FUCK YOU.
You don't even know me.
You can't even begin to understand what it is to be me.
To feel the things I feel, to think the things I think, to see the things I see, to hear the things I hear.
Few people in my life really know who I am, and believe me baby, they're confused sometimes too.
It's my fucking life. I'll do what I want with it.
Yes, I'm moving to Minnesota.
Yes, I've always wanted to go to a random state and live.
Yes, I'm running away from my problems.
Yes, I'm learning to be emotionally independent.
Yes, I will fucking miss you. I already do. I dread the day that I have to say goodbye.
Love is a risk to get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own.
Do you know what it's fucking like to have the purest love in the world and have it viciously ripped from you out of nowhere? Do you?
God, I know how that feels. And not even because of Michael. Because of my friends, because of my family.
I've always been alone, my whole life I've been alone. And these past 6 months, probably more, I've had this sick dependency on everyone in my life for comfort.
There are too many memories and things here that I am not ready to face and confront. And maybe after moving, I will come back and be ready to confront them. But I'm not right now. So yes, I'm going to run from them. Not even that, I'm going to leave them where they are and come back to them when I'm ready.
I've always wanted to just move to a random state. I've always just wanted to pick up and leave. And challenge myself and see if I can do it.
I'm chasing my dream, I'm leaving my problems behind, I'm learning to be on my own. And ultimately, out of this experience, I hope to find happiness.
I already miss you. So what the fuck is the difference if I'm hundreds of miles away? I barely see you or talk to you while I'm here. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|01:29 pm] |
My New Year's Resolutions
1. Stop Smoking
2. Stop letting people treat me like crap. This goes for friends, boyfriends, etc.
3. Move to Minnesota
And yea, I'm actually seriously moving to Minnesota in the summer if things go as planned. I'm tired of Chicago.
Common reactions to my decision to move:
*Why Minnesota?
Because it's far enough to let all of you little fucks realize how much you should appreciate me and the shit I do for you. and close enough to come and visit my friends. Plus it's a state I just picked off of the top of my head. So I'm going with it. Cuz I've always wanted to do that!!!
*But there's nothing to do in Minnesota!
Exactly!! That's why I want to go! Peace and quiet and break from 5th grade sounds like a good fucking plan to me, don't ya know?!
* But you don't know anyone there!
Exactly!!
I know it's a big fucking decision to make. But I think this will be good for me. And I've always wanted to move to a new state and just leave everything behind and do it on my own. So if you have any objections, let me know. Because I've thought everything through and I've played what if and all that nice stuff. But whatever, your thoughts are nice. |
|
|
| You brought the winter with your love |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|09:37 pm] |
If you hate yourself, you’re not alone.
I feel like a lot of my friends are making horrible mistakes. But I also feel like it’s not my place to say anything. And I also feel like they need to fuck up so they can learn from it. I’m just going to stop worrying about people and start worrying about myself. But we all know that won’t happen.
Bad timing is going to be my downfall.
Tab and Cato came over. I’m boring. Sorry guys. I’ll never be as cool as that girl with the plate in her head. But it’s ok because I’m metal.
Meh. One more day off of work to relax. I have this weird feeling I’m going to be called in. |
|
|
| Remember when we loved? |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|08:54 am] |
To whom it may concern:
Remember when I was happy?
Remember when I didn't have a void in my life?
Remember when I felt complete?
Remember when small things didnt hurt?
Remember when it took a lot to get me down?
Remember my real smiles?
Remember how warm my hugs were?
Remember when I was so happy I cried?
Remember when I would scream because I was so excited?
Remember my real laugh?
Remember when I danced for no reason?
Remember when the little things mattered most?
Remember when it wasn't normal for me to be so sad that I cried?
I remember them. I remember a lot of things. I remember when you cared. I remember when you were there when you needed something. But now that I need something where are your open arms now? Oh I know, those weren't open arms, those were RECEIVING arms. And now that there's nothing to take, only something to give, your arms arent open any longer.
I admit I was never 100% happy. But then again who is? Maybe not even 50% happy. But there was at least an ounce of happiness. There was that tad bit that weighed out all the other bad things. How can you give me happiness and then rip it out of my life? How can you give me love and rip it out of my life. I understand "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" but when am I going to quit losing and start winning?
I wish I could find someone that will make all the bad things seem like they weren't there in the first place. I wish I could find someone to make me laugh and smile and hug and kiss and dance like I used to. I wish I could find someome who will bring out the better person in me.
Crying is the only thing that makes everything feel a little better. I don't want that anymore. I don't want this anymore. I don't want this life. I don't want these feelings. I don't want these tears. I don't want these thoughts.
You can't always be on top. I know that. You have to hit rock bottom. And I have, once again. It's lonely down here. And I don't feel like getting up. I just want to sleep.
You are cruel. You have no compassion. You are selfish. You care about nothing.
Thank you Life. It was a nice experience. I learned a lot. Some things I needed to learn. Some things I wish I didn't learn. But I can no longer take this. I have lost the will to try. I'm done.
Sincerely,
Mahi |
|
|
| I want to be the unattainable |
[Dec. 5th, 2004|03:22 am] |
I want to wake up from this.
Everything you've ever owned is everything you lack
Every romantic moment
Every infatuation
Every souvenir I ever gave you will disappear
I will disappear
I'm meant for you
Everything is always meant for you
Everything was meant to hurt you
THIS WAS MEANT TO HURT YOU |
|
|
| Let me show you what I fucking mean |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|08:40 am] |
I read a lot of my friend's journals. Do you know when you see someones life is going great, you feel like they dont deserve it so you wish for it to fall apart? Yea, I do that a lot. But now it's my life falling apart. And my friends' lives. And it's always that way.
What makes me so different from everyone else? Why are they allowed to have happiness in their life, but I'm not?
It's usually really fucking selfish people, real horrible people that care about no one else but themselves that have happiness in their lives. And here I take care of my friends to the best of my abilities, I help people out, etc. and I'm struggling over here.
I had a dream you were blind, and for some reason, I don't think it's a dream at all.
I find myself praying a lot. Then getting frustrated. I feel like no one is listening. I feel like no one wants to listen. I feel like I'm fucked. I feel like no matter how much I try to make my life better, it won't help.
I fucking hate the feeling I get when I see two people holding hands at the mall or being cutesy. I seriously want their relationship to fall the fuck apart. Because mine always do. I want people to know what it feels like to be incapable for having a romantic relationship with someone else.
I want people to get their hearts broken, sit in their house for 2 weeks crying and throwing up in a daze. I want them to be so hurt that they cant sleep at night. I want them to be so lonely that they sing themselves to sleep at night just to hear a voice. I want them to be so sad that they listen to the same songs on repeat that them and their significant other used to fuck to so it brings back memories. I want them to see their ex that they were in love with with another girl. I want them to want to cry because that's the only thing that makes things feel better so they go to Hallmark on their 15 minute break to read sympathy cards so they can cry. I want them to fucking know what it feels like because I had to feel it. And it fucking sucks.
And I want them for just one fucking moment to hate themselves and feel like it's all their fault when it's really not. For just one fucking moment to feel like they're going to die without this person in their life. For just one fucking moment to want to die when they hear their ex is with someone else already. FOR JUST ONE FUCKING MOMENT I WANT THEIR PERFECT FUCKING LIFE AND PERFECT FUCKING RELATIONSHIP TO COME CRASHING DOWN INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES ON THEIR FUCKING BODY LIKE TINY PIECES OF GLASS DIGGING INTO THEIR SKIN SO IT HURTS SO BAD THAT THEY CANT HELP BUT TO SCREAM.
I'm fucking tired of being happy for those people. I used to see them and be like aww thats so cute, thats great, etc. Now I fucking hate them for it. THEY DONT DESERVE TO BE LOVED.
and honestly, I don't think I do either. |
|
|
| let me see you 1-2 step, i love it when you 1-2 step |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|11:25 pm] |
Well I got my check today, a little over 200 dollars. But I havent gotten paid for wednesday, thursday or today. Work was so much fun today. Mike is so fun to work with. And so is Fitz. And Nikki-Lo but Timmy was in a shitty mood. Tim and Timmy were being huge assholes as well.
Wednesday I worked 12 hours, thursday I worked 5 hours and today I worked 5 hours.
I don't work until next monday. WOO
Thursday night was so much fun, i spent it with Justin, it was awesome. Who wants to hang this weekend?!
Thursday was the first time I didn't think of him. At all. It feels good to forget.
You have been replaced.
My goodies make the boys jump on it. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
wesetthemotion's journal